We've joined a library up in Balaclava (thats what its really called) which is round the corner from us. It's handy for books and also free internet. It's a big Jewish area Balaclava. We were doing the shopping in Coles up here a couple of weeks ago (Coles and Woolworths or Safeway as it is in Victoria are the two big main grocery stores in Australia). As it is a Jewish area Coles have a kosher food section beside the checkouts. I was having a bit of a look at the kosher selction as i've never seen it before when I hear a familiar tune being whistled, I turn round and this hard looking nut is staring at me while whistling the German national anthem.
The amount of people I've seen over here who look like people at home or famous people is frightening. In my first job in Perth there was a guy who was the double of Liverpool midfielder Xabi Alonso, a girl on the tram looked like Emmas cousin Mark and a guy who was the spitting image of Timmy McParland...oh wait that was Timmy McParland. Also when I was at ECU there were a couple of guys there who looked like Doozer Keenan with a beard and without a beard. In Darwin a barmaid in this place we discovered that done free nibbles at happy hour every day was a ringer for Paula McDonald and oddly my boss in Defence Housing looked like Krusty the Clown from the Simpsons when he done a Reggie Perrin and became Rory B. Bellows. Recently I was working in South Melbourne with a guy called Gerald from London who is Paul McCourts (who used to be in the band Sugar Island) doppelganger. I'm going to the AFL with him tomorrow to see Geelong and St.Kilda at the MCG.
The Olympics were crazy over here. You think the Brits are sickening during major sporting events, they've got nothing on the Aussies. Every morning on the news they would interview the families of the latest medal winner and then they would change the overall medals table to per capita and this would inevitably mean Australia would come out on top because there are only 20 million people live here compared to the 2 billion in China. Most of their medals were won in the pool and if there was an election now Stephanie Rice would be Prime Minister after she won 4 golds i think it was. her ex-boyfriend Eamon Sullivan broke the world record in qualifying but only ended up with a silver and he has been the butt of a lot of jokes since. After the swimming the jubilation slowly started to disappear as the aussie weren't that strong on the track. They did win the pole vault with some guy who looked like the lead singer out of the Frames and a wee girl called Sally McLellan, not to be confused with the bar in the pogues song, won silver in the 110 metre hurdles and then said "shit" in her interview straight afterwards on national TV. If you get a chance to see that interview it's hilarious.
One of the most annoying things I've found has been trying to get people to understand me particularly when they ask me to spell my name. Kieran is a popular name over here but my name is spelt differently. I tell them this is how its supposed to be spelt as it's the irish spelling. I dread having to register with agencies or give my name over the phone because the way we say "i" sounds like the way they say "a". So if I'm spelling my name "CIA.." they're writing "CAE.." I have to spell it out in CB language "C for Charlie, I for India, A for Alpha....breaker, breaker rubber ducky"I think once the whole time I've been here someone got the spelling of my name right first time. I tried to order a chai tea in Darwin, the barman had to get another barman to translate "oh Choi..." swear to God you'd think we spoke a different language.
I have to get a tram to work every morning because we're about 20 minutes outside the city centre. I actually have to get a couple of trams, one into the city and another down to the end of Flinders St. Anyway you can buy a daily pass for $6.50 or get a weekly one for $28. We started off buying them and then nobody was checking them so we didn't bother. You can also buy a 2 hour one on the train for $3.50 so i'd been getting the tram and just having $3.50 in my pocket and sit or stand near the machine and if the inspector got on I'd jump up and buy a ticket. never had to do it. never saw an inspector. Emma had a few close calls and phoned me one morning as she went dwon the road ahead of me to tell me they were checking at Flinders St. The other day in work I was still starvin after my lunch and I only had the emergency money on me so I decided i'd spend the money on chocolate and crisps and take my chances on the tram. Theres a free one goes from outside work every hour and I usally get it up to Federation Square and then get one of about 5 different trams back to ours. I was late getting out of work and missed the free one and then decided to walk through the town and call into specsavers to see if my new glasses were ready. The glasses weren't ready and I ended up walking right over to Fedeartion Square. There was a number 16 sitting at the top of the platform and if I had've walked a bit quicker I would've got it but i turned round and saw a 67 coming and decided to get that and then suddenly had a feeling it was gonna be a mistake. I got on the tram with no money and sat down at a window seat with a person beside and two people across from me. In retrospect I was pure complacent. The tram left Fed. Square. I'm reading trainspotting at the minute, I took it out of my bag and read two lines and I hear "Tickets please" and I just thought "ah Jesus". This Asian woman inspector checks the tickets of the ones beside me and says to me "Can I see your ticket?" I tried to make a joke "Do you have to pay for this? I thought it was free" She smiled and her face quickly became serious again. "You don't have a ticket?" she says "No" says I "Whats your name and address, i'm going to have to report you". She hands me a piece of paper and before i know it I'm writing down a false name and address and looking at the exits to see if I can to a runner but there are too many people around me and this inspector has now been joined bu two male inspectors who smelt blood. "This is your name and address?" she asks "It is" I says. it isn't. "Do you have any I.D. to confirm this?" she wants to know "I haven't" I lie. She looks me up and down, I'm wearing a shirt and trousers and I look like I've just come out of work. "have you just come from work?" she says "No, eh interview" I'm wracking my brains for some sort of excuse and another part of me is saying your making this worse for yourself give it up. "You have no I.D.? you were at an interview have you got a resume?" I'm completely trapped. "No i printed if off the computer in the interview, look if you let me go back to where I'm stayin I can get some I.D. and bring it back to you" she's not buying this. "No have you got a phone number of someone who can varify your name and address?" she hands me back the paper and I write down a fake number and suddenly I'm aware that i'm the main attraction on a packed tram. She tries the number and it goes to soembodys answer machine. what a stroke of luck! "OK, I'm going to have to arrest you, we have to get off the tram at the next stop". So we get off the tram at the next stop and the two male inspectors get off too. I look to do a runner but it's a really busy road. One of the male inspectors tells me to stand beside him and then shouts at me again to stand beside him, he knows i'm sizin up a runner. "Have you any I.D. on you, in your bag, can you check?" No I have nothing I tell them again. "Right we're gonna have to call the police and it's gonna be a whole big thing" so i'm resigned to being arrested and the othe male inspector says "Whats that round your neck?" Screwed. My work I.D. is around my neck. I take the I.D. off and give it to the woman. Different name. She takes a second to realise I've been lying. "What is this Vic. Pol?" she asks. "It's the Police, Victoria Police". She laughs as she starts writing her report. Then the male inspector says "Have you anything with your address on it?" I opened my bag and took out an old payslip with my St.Kilda address on it. "I'm gonna leave this to the discretion of this lady" says the male inspector and he starts checking other tickets at the tramstop. he seemed happy enough that he had exposed me. The woman writes me out a ticket so I can get the tram home with no money and if I get busted again I can show it to the inspector and tells me i'm facing a fine of $300. The she asks is there anything I want to say so I go "look I'm very sorry I lied to you, I'm over her on holiday, I'm only herre for a few weeks, I cant afford to pay a big fine as i'm saving money for a ticket home" She looks at me and says "And would you lose your job?" and I thought "sounds good I'll say that anyway" "Yes I would lose my job". Amazingly she had started making up excuses for me. "Ok, i'll let you off but I'll put your name on the database and if you show up again you'll be reported" I couldn't believe my luck and started walking away from them. She says "You don't have to walk back to St.Kilda you can use that pass I gave you to take a tram" I was like "You're alright, I'll walk" then I walked over to Chapel St. and bought a weekly metcard for the tram.
It must have been the police I.D, not that they thought i was a copper or anything because I told her what I did there but after that the proceedings took a different turn, the two male inspectors were less aggressive and I think one of them actually told her to let me off.
The amount of people I've seen over here who look like people at home or famous people is frightening. In my first job in Perth there was a guy who was the double of Liverpool midfielder Xabi Alonso, a girl on the tram looked like Emmas cousin Mark and a guy who was the spitting image of Timmy McParland...oh wait that was Timmy McParland. Also when I was at ECU there were a couple of guys there who looked like Doozer Keenan with a beard and without a beard. In Darwin a barmaid in this place we discovered that done free nibbles at happy hour every day was a ringer for Paula McDonald and oddly my boss in Defence Housing looked like Krusty the Clown from the Simpsons when he done a Reggie Perrin and became Rory B. Bellows. Recently I was working in South Melbourne with a guy called Gerald from London who is Paul McCourts (who used to be in the band Sugar Island) doppelganger. I'm going to the AFL with him tomorrow to see Geelong and St.Kilda at the MCG.
The Olympics were crazy over here. You think the Brits are sickening during major sporting events, they've got nothing on the Aussies. Every morning on the news they would interview the families of the latest medal winner and then they would change the overall medals table to per capita and this would inevitably mean Australia would come out on top because there are only 20 million people live here compared to the 2 billion in China. Most of their medals were won in the pool and if there was an election now Stephanie Rice would be Prime Minister after she won 4 golds i think it was. her ex-boyfriend Eamon Sullivan broke the world record in qualifying but only ended up with a silver and he has been the butt of a lot of jokes since. After the swimming the jubilation slowly started to disappear as the aussie weren't that strong on the track. They did win the pole vault with some guy who looked like the lead singer out of the Frames and a wee girl called Sally McLellan, not to be confused with the bar in the pogues song, won silver in the 110 metre hurdles and then said "shit" in her interview straight afterwards on national TV. If you get a chance to see that interview it's hilarious.
One of the most annoying things I've found has been trying to get people to understand me particularly when they ask me to spell my name. Kieran is a popular name over here but my name is spelt differently. I tell them this is how its supposed to be spelt as it's the irish spelling. I dread having to register with agencies or give my name over the phone because the way we say "i" sounds like the way they say "a". So if I'm spelling my name "CIA.." they're writing "CAE.." I have to spell it out in CB language "C for Charlie, I for India, A for Alpha....breaker, breaker rubber ducky"I think once the whole time I've been here someone got the spelling of my name right first time. I tried to order a chai tea in Darwin, the barman had to get another barman to translate "oh Choi..." swear to God you'd think we spoke a different language.
I have to get a tram to work every morning because we're about 20 minutes outside the city centre. I actually have to get a couple of trams, one into the city and another down to the end of Flinders St. Anyway you can buy a daily pass for $6.50 or get a weekly one for $28. We started off buying them and then nobody was checking them so we didn't bother. You can also buy a 2 hour one on the train for $3.50 so i'd been getting the tram and just having $3.50 in my pocket and sit or stand near the machine and if the inspector got on I'd jump up and buy a ticket. never had to do it. never saw an inspector. Emma had a few close calls and phoned me one morning as she went dwon the road ahead of me to tell me they were checking at Flinders St. The other day in work I was still starvin after my lunch and I only had the emergency money on me so I decided i'd spend the money on chocolate and crisps and take my chances on the tram. Theres a free one goes from outside work every hour and I usally get it up to Federation Square and then get one of about 5 different trams back to ours. I was late getting out of work and missed the free one and then decided to walk through the town and call into specsavers to see if my new glasses were ready. The glasses weren't ready and I ended up walking right over to Fedeartion Square. There was a number 16 sitting at the top of the platform and if I had've walked a bit quicker I would've got it but i turned round and saw a 67 coming and decided to get that and then suddenly had a feeling it was gonna be a mistake. I got on the tram with no money and sat down at a window seat with a person beside and two people across from me. In retrospect I was pure complacent. The tram left Fed. Square. I'm reading trainspotting at the minute, I took it out of my bag and read two lines and I hear "Tickets please" and I just thought "ah Jesus". This Asian woman inspector checks the tickets of the ones beside me and says to me "Can I see your ticket?" I tried to make a joke "Do you have to pay for this? I thought it was free" She smiled and her face quickly became serious again. "You don't have a ticket?" she says "No" says I "Whats your name and address, i'm going to have to report you". She hands me a piece of paper and before i know it I'm writing down a false name and address and looking at the exits to see if I can to a runner but there are too many people around me and this inspector has now been joined bu two male inspectors who smelt blood. "This is your name and address?" she asks "It is" I says. it isn't. "Do you have any I.D. to confirm this?" she wants to know "I haven't" I lie. She looks me up and down, I'm wearing a shirt and trousers and I look like I've just come out of work. "have you just come from work?" she says "No, eh interview" I'm wracking my brains for some sort of excuse and another part of me is saying your making this worse for yourself give it up. "You have no I.D.? you were at an interview have you got a resume?" I'm completely trapped. "No i printed if off the computer in the interview, look if you let me go back to where I'm stayin I can get some I.D. and bring it back to you" she's not buying this. "No have you got a phone number of someone who can varify your name and address?" she hands me back the paper and I write down a fake number and suddenly I'm aware that i'm the main attraction on a packed tram. She tries the number and it goes to soembodys answer machine. what a stroke of luck! "OK, I'm going to have to arrest you, we have to get off the tram at the next stop". So we get off the tram at the next stop and the two male inspectors get off too. I look to do a runner but it's a really busy road. One of the male inspectors tells me to stand beside him and then shouts at me again to stand beside him, he knows i'm sizin up a runner. "Have you any I.D. on you, in your bag, can you check?" No I have nothing I tell them again. "Right we're gonna have to call the police and it's gonna be a whole big thing" so i'm resigned to being arrested and the othe male inspector says "Whats that round your neck?" Screwed. My work I.D. is around my neck. I take the I.D. off and give it to the woman. Different name. She takes a second to realise I've been lying. "What is this Vic. Pol?" she asks. "It's the Police, Victoria Police". She laughs as she starts writing her report. Then the male inspector says "Have you anything with your address on it?" I opened my bag and took out an old payslip with my St.Kilda address on it. "I'm gonna leave this to the discretion of this lady" says the male inspector and he starts checking other tickets at the tramstop. he seemed happy enough that he had exposed me. The woman writes me out a ticket so I can get the tram home with no money and if I get busted again I can show it to the inspector and tells me i'm facing a fine of $300. The she asks is there anything I want to say so I go "look I'm very sorry I lied to you, I'm over her on holiday, I'm only herre for a few weeks, I cant afford to pay a big fine as i'm saving money for a ticket home" She looks at me and says "And would you lose your job?" and I thought "sounds good I'll say that anyway" "Yes I would lose my job". Amazingly she had started making up excuses for me. "Ok, i'll let you off but I'll put your name on the database and if you show up again you'll be reported" I couldn't believe my luck and started walking away from them. She says "You don't have to walk back to St.Kilda you can use that pass I gave you to take a tram" I was like "You're alright, I'll walk" then I walked over to Chapel St. and bought a weekly metcard for the tram.
It must have been the police I.D, not that they thought i was a copper or anything because I told her what I did there but after that the proceedings took a different turn, the two male inspectors were less aggressive and I think one of them actually told her to let me off.
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